By Torben Heinbockel ’26
Schools in December are quite different than schools for most months. There is music coming out of classrooms, and red and green are almost everywhere, and “Merry Christmas!” seems to accompany every statement. Many students may see this as a comfortable tradition, a nice feeling knowing that we are counting down together to a break.
But here is the portion of December we usually don’t discuss: not all students feel the same way about December. Some students celebrate Christmas; others celebrate Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Diwali, etc. Other students celebrate no religion and/or struggle with serious issues (death, family problems, money) that can’t be masked by a holiday playlist.
This doesn’t mean we need to remove the holiday spirit from school altogether. Rather, I’m suggesting we simply stop assuming the holiday spirit is the same for every student.
The “Default” Isn’t Neutral
Depending upon the student, December may look entirely different. By recognizing these differences without making assumptions about what those differences are, we can build a more welcoming school during the holiday season.
For most of us, we will not recognize the fact that we are making assumptions because they have become such an integral part of our daily lives. When the default greeting is “Merry Christmas!”, it may be interpreted as “this is the story, and all of the other celebrations are just footnotes”.
I am not attacking anyone. I am simply describing how defaults work. If you are part of the default, you likely will not give much thought to the assumption. However, if you are not part of the default, then you are likely viewing it as obviously as possible.
Examples of this, although minor, include:
• a teacher trying to be kind and asking what you are doing “for Christmas” when you do not celebrate it,
• a friend being shocked that your family does not have a Christmas tree,
• you going through an entire week of holiday-related references that do not apply to you, and you do not want to be “that person”, so you smile and continue, and while none of these are individually important, collectively, they could reinforce the perception that St. Paul’s is not a community, but rather a place to attend.
Inclusion Does Not Mean Less Celebration
Many people view “inclusion” as a code word for “no fun”. That is not what we are advocating for.
We advocate that we can still celebrate our own traditions and be aware of the people around us.
Ultimately, it boils down to a matter of respect. In order to develop an atmosphere where people feel recognized, we cannot view one experience as the universal experience.
And, if you enjoy celebrating Christmas, that is perfectly acceptable. This should not intimidate you. Instead, this should boost your confidence that we can celebrate our own traditions without forcing everyone else to act the same.
What Does Being Aware Look Like?
Awareness includes a multitude of small actions that can assist in creating a culture of inclusivity among students.
- Use inclusive greetings. Using “Happy Holidays” and “Have a good break” will basically address all students. If you choose to tell someone that you wish them a Merry Christmas, that is perfectly acceptable. Please do not use that as the only default.
- Replace holiday-specific questions with open-ended questions. Asking “What are you looking forward to over break?” is a far better question than “What are you doing for Christmas?”
- Do not make a student a spokesperson. If a student indicates that they celebrate something other than Christmas, you do not need to ask them as if they were addressing the class. While curiosity is beneficial, pay attention to the room.
- Acknowledge that not all students will have a “Hallmark” type break. Some students’ breaks will be stressful, not relaxing. Showing a little bit of empathy will take you a long way.
These recommendations seem easy, and that is a good thing. They are. Our goal is not to be included. Our goal is to include.
The Holiday Season Can Be Complicated
There is a layer to the holiday season that rarely gets discussed. For students who celebrate Christmas, December is not always a happy time.
The holiday season often emphasizes what is missing. A deceased loved one. Tension between family members. Feeling pressured to be upbeat when you aren’t. Financial challenges that people deny exist. Worrying that you will spend your entire break playing catch-up on everything that you didn’t get done during the fall semester.
Therefore, “have a good break” may be more than we realize. It gives each individual the opportunity to determine for themselves what “good” is. It provides relaxation, family, quiet time, vacation, music, or nothing at all. It requires no specific emotion.
A Better December At School
To create the perception of St. Paul’s as a community, we must first be able to understand and accept multiple realities.
Many of us are counting down to Christmas, listening to holiday music, and truly enjoying the season.
However, many of us are not.
We don’t have to pick one reality over another. We simply have to quit pretending that there is only one reality.
Celebrate your traditions. Be festive. Be enthusiastic. Wear the sweater. Sing the songs. Do whatever makes December feel like December to you.
Just keep in mind, the student sitting next to you is experiencing December in a completely different way.
By making the tiniest modifications in the ways we communicate, ask, and include others, we can change “Holiday Season” from a single script into something larger: a school community in which more students believe that they belong.
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